Guest Writer Nick Talks Honesty

Hi, my name is Nick, I am 25, and was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when I was 13 years old.

My condition has been better in the past few months, so I’ve wanted to be able to help others while I am in a position to do so. I started a twitter account called ‘Awkward IBD’ (@awkwardIBD) detailing the ‘lighter’ side of IBD.

In my last post I talked about researching your condition and how sometimes it's better not to read up too much! 

So what would I next tell Little Nicky? (My 13 year old, younger self, not the son of Satan as portrayed by Adam Sandler… ) It would be to be honest with those around you.

This is probably the biggest thing I have struggled with, with regards to my Crohn’s. I guess in this respect, I am your archetypal male. Whether it is bravado, or whatever you will call it, there is a reluctance because of how others will perceive it. I will state very clearly right here, I do not advocate telling everyone you meet, the ins and outs of your condition, especially if you are in school… Rightly or wrongly, there could be people who don’t know you very well, or are too immature to fully consider the hurt it will cause you, who will judge, or make fun of your condition. This is obviously not right, but we don’t live in a perfect world, and my advice here is for you to get by the best you can.

Be honest, not only with the symptoms of your condition with those close to you, but also how it is making you feel. For me, my reaction is to try and make it look like I am taking it on the chin, that I can cope with everything that comes my way. That is who I am and who I want to be. However, if I am having a bad day and snap at someone, or act strangely trying to cover it up, the other person, has no idea anything ‘extra’ is wrong. It can very easily damage your relationships if you let it. You have to be able to swallow your pride, and let the people around you in. You can still be the person they rely on, who people look to when they need help, without constantly having to keep up a front. It will actually help you to be there for others, when they themselves feel they can help you in return.

A slight aside, but one that I feel needs to be mentioned; I have seen people writing online, that they have ended relationships or friendships, because they think they are too much of a

burden, and that they are saving the other person from having to deal with them. This is nonsense! If you have someone who you have been totally honest with about your condition, and how it makes you feel and they STILL want to be a part of your life, making a martyr of yourself will just serve to hurt EVERYONE involved. It may also cause you more stress and harm your condition (if we are looking at this from a purely selfish and medical point of view). Finding someone who truly wants to be with you, and will take you for all your flaws, whether medical, physical, emotional, or in my case, an unhealthy dose of all 3, is the greatest thing in life, so don’t push it away because of, ultimately, how you perceive yourself.

Being honest with your school or employer is also a necessary step. They don’t need the full ins and outs, but what I’d term a ‘working knowledge’ of your condition is essential not only for them, but for you. Let them know how it will affect you, and whether you need any additional assistance.  Schools, in my experience, will be very understanding, and give you as much support as they can. Work, has also been very good, though I understand some people’s reluctance in this respect. Personally I found if your condition does make any demands of your employer, show to them that you are doing all you can to negate any difficulties, and they will be very appreciative and understanding.

Finally, and for your health, this is probably the most important. IBD can, and unfortunately probably will, involve pain. Pain is a ‘great’ motivator for human beings, and unfortunately in most cases, a negative one. As a natural instinct, our actions will alter, whether consciously or not, to avoid pain. When it comes down to choices of medical treatments for instance, this is not necessarily a good thing. No man is an island, and this is a good example, where, having someone you can be honest with AND who can be honest with you, will benefit you greatly. I put off having treatments which involved needles and injections for years, I am probably in a worse state now because of it. However, I met my girlfriend, and she was the first person outside of my family, that I have been honest with about my condition. Making that first step and opening up to someone, and their reaction not being the sum of all those horrible thoughts you’ve had, is a very (and I hate this word, but it fits) empowering feeling. Having that extra motivator was the final push I needed to seek out the treatments I had feared for years, and they have made me healthier. Not healthy, but healthier… and I’d hate to think what state I may be in now if I hadn’t. For as long as I could remember, IBD was me vs my body. Now it was 2-on-1, and with every person you tell, it gets easier and easier.

Your own judgement can be clouded with regards to your own condition, so having people who know you, and can take a step back and see the bigger picture, will help you make the right decisions.

I’ll sign off with my favourite quote, I can’t remember who said it, but it stuck with me, and demonstrates perfectly why facing IBD on your own, in your own head, will never be your best course of action:

“You cannot be your own confidant… Surround yourself with people you trust to tell you things that you won’t tell yourself…

                                                        … then listen.”