Me, Myself and My Immune System: A brief
timeline of my love affair with Crohn’s Disease.
Harvey Hancock
Part Four
Fast forward 2 years. My trip to
university has been delayed, for reasons obvious to you. I now have to stay
behind in 6th form and do an extra year while all my friends leave
to go on their own university adventures. I’ll still get there, eventually. But
right now I am being bullied by kids two years younger than me because I just won’t leave school. School is the
last place I want to be, and my attendance drops to 50%. I’m not ill, I just
refuse to go in. The work is too easy and there is nobody waiting there for me
– at least nobody who wants to put a smile on my face. I so want to escape the grapples of school so it’s time to don my
armour and pick up my shield. I’ll shut myself off. I’ll deflect their words
and jibes. I’ll do what must be done to get on with my life. I’m going to make
a success of myself and nothing will stop me. Crohn’s can do one. And those
snot-nosed wotsits, surrounded by jeering friends, they’re not worthy of my
time or emotion. I’ll write this year off. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll just do my
work and keep my head down. And look forward. The promise of university is all
I have to keep me going.
Fast forward three years. I’m in
the second year of university and I have an exam in an hour. I’m not going to
pass it. I go to see my tutor before it and she says “you look like crap, man.”
I agree, but say that, while I’m on campus, I may as well give it a go. In the
exam room my friend says that perhaps I should just go to the hospital instead.
I soldier on. I finish with over an hour to spare, having written under two
pages of words for two whole essays. I go home, cry, and sleep. What a waste of
time.
Fast forward three weeks. By all
rights, I should have failed this exam. But somehow I managed to pass. Many
people will be celebrating their good grades but my 49% ranks as one of the
best marks I’ve ever received. Screw you, Crohn’s disease. I. Will. Not. Fail.
Fast forward a year. University is
over. My friends have left, and I’m on my own. To pass
my time I write a story
about what it is like to have Crohn’s disease, and it is nearing its end.
Though this piece is a timeline of my illnesses I actually conclude it by
realising that this section of my life, though defining, does not define me. I
have been called “tubey”, “sick boy”, “skiver” and all manner of names and
missed a fair chunk of my education. I struggle with energy levels on a
day-to-day basis and I can’t play sport as much as I’d like. But I am funny. I
am kind. I am intelligent. I’m a good singer. I’m generous. I’m loved. I’m not
too hard on the eyes (at least that’s what people say). I am not dramatic. I
don’t get scared easily. I am honest and thoughtful. All of these things, self-aggrandized
or not, define me far more than a scarred liver or a malfunctioning bowel ever
will.
I live with this every day. And it
really isn’t a big deal. It’s just Crohn’s disease, you know? And that makes me
fantastically lucky - to only have
Crohn’s Disease is a blessing,
all things considered. By recounting some of the
negative aspects of my illness all I have done is emphasised the fact that my
life has been full of laughter, friendship and success. Take a look at all
those gaps I fast-forwarded through: my first kiss, my first girlfriend,
passing my driving test, getting into university, late-night adventures and
long summer holidays. Memories of all kinds were put to one side to give an
honest account of what it’s like to be “ill”. But that never was and never will
be all I am. I am greater than the
sum of my parts, even if some of those parts sometimes go on strike. So don’t
feel sorry for me, and don’t you dare feel sorry for yourself. There’s still
plenty to look forward to: a career, love, a family and many unexpected adventures,
so let’s all have a bloody good laugh. It’s only IBD, after all.
For information for Students at Uni with IBD click here.
For information for Universities click here.
For information for Students at Uni with IBD click here.
For information for Universities click here.
