How Others See You

People with IBD often feel that those around them, even close family or friends, just don’t seem
to understand what it means to have Crohn’s or UC.

They may desperately want you to be well, which puts a great burden on you to appear well even when you are feeling ill. They may fuss around you excessively, even on the occasions when you’re feeling fine. They may be extremely worried about your illness, or they may put your symptoms aside as trivial.

You may find some people will blame your personality for the disease. “Oh, obviously you’ve got it because you’re such a worrier,” they may say. This can be irritating, but the absence of a clear, scientific explanation of the cause of these diseases can leave it open for some people to believe that personality is a factor. This situation is not helped because it is commonly accepted that anxiety, fear and stress can have an adverse effect on people’s general health, particularly on their bowels. But there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that IBD is caused by stress, although stress may in some cases be a factor in causing flare-ups.Being told what to feel can also be irritating. People will sometimes say things like: ‘Cheer up’ or ‘Don’t worry’. They may suggest you try different diets or ask whether you have tried alternative or complementary therapies. These suggestions may annoy you even though they may be offered with the best of intentions.

Sometimes people may claim that they, too, suffer from colitis, when what they are describing are the occasional ‘tummy complaints’ which they have for a few days and which are then over. It can also be very difficult getting over to other people what ‘urgency’ means. Friends may say: ‘But surely you can hang on for a couple of minutes?’ with no idea that you simply can’t.

It’s true, most people don’t understand IBD, but this is probably not that surprising given the generally low awareness of UC and Crohn’s Disease, and the confusing and unpredictable nature of these conditions. However, if you can tell your family and friends at least something about your illness you may find it helps you to feel more in control of your situation and less anxious about your symptoms and treatment. Your family and friends may also find it reassuring.